Realization
by Sonja-Videsmorte
Summary: My first stab at writing fics. Pardon for its uhm, unsavviness or whatever. It's a yuri fic with Rei and Asuka, and it's not yet finished. So read and be the judge.
1. Default Chapter

--I sat beside her bed, watching her breathe slowly. She just lay there, motionless, with her eyes open. Why? Why had she ended up like this? Asuka, somehow, I wish you'd return to your old boisterous self. Not like this. Fight, please, fight it. I want you back. Back here with me. —-

Rei clutched her aquamarine skirt with these thoughts running in her head. She looked at the figure lying on the hospital bed, with tears streaming down her face. She couldn't help these emotions, not anymore. The first child had been hiding what she had been feeling for a long time, especially when it concerned the redheaded German girl.

Rei Ayanami, the girl with no past, whose life had been all but mysteries even to her, had no one. No one to love. No one to hate. No one to feel anything for. Commander Ikari, Doctor Akagi, and Major Katsuragi were the only persons that often had to do anything with her. Be it for tests or for battle plans. However it soon changed as all three children, Asuka, Shinji and herself started piloting their respective EVA units.

For once Rei, had more than grown ups to interact with. But it wasn't easy. Rei had to go to school, just as every other normal kid would. She had to get along with the other students in her class, which for a fact she had difficulty doing. No one really tried to befriend her. True they were nice; there was Hikari their ever-ready class representative, Touji the guy who always goes to school in gym outfit, and Kensuke the military geek. For most, they did try to know more about her, but maybe it was her fault as well, Rei was just too hard a person to know. Or was it because she didn't know herself?

Ayanami was nearest to the location; hence she started going to school first before the other children had. Shinji followed suit right after he had defeated the first angel. Soon Rei's life started to get a bit more interesting. The younger Ikari was a lot less like his father. He was just as troubled though. Like Rei he had nary a person to share his life with, but he coped better than the first child did, for he had already gained the loyalty of Touji and Kensuke. He also tried to know more about Rei, whom reminds him very much of his dead mother. But he was pretty much unsuccessful.

The crimson eyed girl with short blue hair had started to feel a lot less lonely but more frustrated as to why she can't seem to blend in with children like her. Then came Asuka Langley Soryu, the second child. She was the total opposite of Rei Ayanami. From the moment she stepped on the school grounds people started to notice her. And she could complain less. Asuka basked in her popularity, she reveled in it, although she must admit those love letters in her locker had been pretty annoying. But there was one person who didn't seem to care at all whether Asuka was pretty or nice or excellent, Rei. This got Asuka really annoyed with the girl.

Why is she better than I am? Does she think she's prettier than me? And a whole lot of other ridiculous ideas that Asuka came up with just to get some sort of explanation to Rei's indifference to her. She started being mean and loud to her just to get Rei's attention. But no matter what she did, it was still the same. Silence, Rei just held no reaction whatsoever.

On the other hand this got Rei Ayanami wondering. Why would the most famous girl in school, bother calling her names and making ill remarks to her, just to be noticed? She was of no particular importance. She's never Asuka's rival for popularity. She's nobody. But whatever it was Rei somehow felt she was needed. She had thought that she was just deluding herself that somebody might actually care for her, it didn't bother her. It just felt right.

Her train of thought stopped as the nurse came in Asuka's room.

"Ms. Ayanami, it's already seven o'clock, you've been here since yesterday morning. You should get some rest. I'll tell her you've been here when she wakes up," the nurse said.

Rei stared at her for quite a time, saw concern in her eyes, and then decided to go. Before doing so, she held the nurse's hand and asked, "you'd tell her won't you?"

"Yes I promise." the nurse replied.

* * *

"Rei was here. She was taking care of me. I thought she didn't even know I existed. I thought she couldn't care less if I died in battle. I thought she was just like my mother. She was crying. Were those tears for me? No one has ever cried a tear for me. But maybe this is just a dream. One of so many that I have had before. One of..."

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

"Who are you?"

SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU BUT NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO SHOW IT

"Huh? I don't get it. No one has loved me. Not my father, nor my stepmother. Sure I've got friends, but they don't know me enough to be able to say that they love me."

I'M SOMEONE YOU NEVER GOT TO LOVE AS WELL

"If there was someone I've tried loving, but never had a chance to, it was my mother. And she never loved me."

I AM YOUR MOTHER

" But she's dead, she left me. She left me just when I got accepted to be a pilot. I was going to tell her, I wanted her to be proud of me. I wanted her to love me, not those dolls that she held."

I'M SORRY. BUT LISTEN; DON'T LEAVE REI JUST AS I HAD WITH YOU.

"Stop it, I don't need to hear anything from you. Rei doesn't care about anyone, more so if it were I. Go away mother. Or whoever you are. No one did ever care for me."

ASUKA, I DO LOVE YOU. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. WAKE UP, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. DON'T LET HER FEEL THIS LONELINESS. YOU'VE BOTH SUFFERED IT LONG ENOUGH.

"You think so, mother? Do you really think she'd love me, or even care for me?"

FIND OUT FOR YOURSELF, DEAR DAUGHTER.

* * *

A slight moaning alarmed the nurse. She looked over her shoulder and saw the redhead blink her eyes slowly. Asuka moved her head in slight disorientation. She finally had life in her eyes. The nurse dropped the blanket she had and asked how she was feeling.

"I feel numb." Was all Asuka could say.

The nursed excitedly got out of the room and called Misato. The major hurried inside to look if everything was true. Asuka finally awake was great news. She hadn't even noticed the tears flowing from her eyes.

"Asuka, thank heavens you're now conscious. We've been waiting." Misato grappled with words as she sobbed on the German's shoulder.

Asuka was slightly surprised at Misato's show of emotion. She couldn't imagine the woman caring for her. For her, Misato only noticed Shinji. It's always Shinji, and never her. But then again, it was because Asuka knew she pushed them away. She pretended never to need their affection.

"Misato thanks." Asuka said, as she stroked the older woman's violet hair.

Misato didn't look up but she hugged the fourteen year old so hard Asuka had to gasped for air. By this time, Asuka was already giggling and happy. Excited that she had this second lease on her life.

The nurse politely excused herself and spoke.

"Asuka, I promised Rei to tell you she was here waiting for you. She's hoping you'd get well soon."

So it is true, the German girl thought. Rei was the one who had been here every day. She was the one who had been snugly placing the blankets when it seemed chilly. She was the one who held her hand for the past week, trying to give her strength. And Rei was the one who shed her tears every day, tears Asuka never thought Rei could shed.

A warm and radiant smile showed on Asuka's face upon hearing this. Misato saw it, and somehow she felt relieved that the second child wasn't acting the brat that she is each time Rei's name is mentioned. The major took it to herself to ask Asuka if she would want to inform Rei that she's awake. Misato actually thought that she would soon regret her suggestion. But it turned out to be the complete opposite of what she had expected.

"Will you tell Rei, as in right now, Misato?" Asuka excitedly asked.

"Sure, Asuka, I will." This was all Misato could say.

* * *

Rei was running to the elevator. She just couldn't wait to see Asuka. She's finally conscious. The door closed and she could see her reflection, her uniform was slightly ruffled, her hair covering half of her eyes. She tried straightening her skirt and as well as her bangs. But no matter how she saw it she seemed unsightly, nowhere compared to Asuka's appeal. Rei started to gitter. What if Asuka wouldn't want to see her? Just like all the times before. The elevator chimes brought her back to reality. All she had to do was head to her room.

The nurse saw her, and waved.

"Rei, you're here, have you gotten sleep? It's only been three hours since you left. Major Katsuragi left as soon as Asuka made her contact you. So currently she's alone, you can have some time to catch up," the nurse, whose name was Neko, said.

Rei looked up and smiled shyly, then slowly proceeded to the second child's room. She opened the door and looked around. The lights were off; the only light visible was coming from the window. Rei could hardly see the other girl. She squinted to see Asuka, who was all propped up, waiting for her.

"Hi, Rei." Asuka greeted.

" . . . " Rei couldn't say anything. She just slowly walked towards the cot.

"Wondergirl aren't you gonna say anything?" Asuka asked irritably.

All of a sudden Asuka felt Rei's hand on hers. Asuka looked at Rei, her red eyes sparkling from the moonlight with tears on her cheeks. Rei placed her hands on her cheeks and caressed it. Asuka was speechless. She felt Rei's warm tears rub across her skin

"Asuka... thank you." The first child said.

"Rei, why are you thanking me, I didn't do anything?" The second child asked.

" . . . " Again there was silence on Rei's part.

Asuka, felt irritated, but she somehow knew how Rei was feeling. Awkward and lonely, unable to say what she feels. She got her hands from Rei's and stroked the first child's blue hair. It was soft and silky.

"Rei, don't worry, I guess that's something I should let you tell me by yourself than force you to."


	2. chapter 2

* * *

It's been quite a while. Two weeks had past, yet everything is back to normal. Asuka can't seem to think straight in class. Had it all been a dream? Rei Ayanami speaking, and crying for her sake. Must have been all those drugs that she had to take. The whole thing made her want to smash Rei's table and demand an answer. Why all silent, after displaying those emotions for me, or was all that an act? A lie. Maybe that's what she will do just now.

She walked past everyone in the classroom. Her wild and raucous classmates didn't seem to notice the anger in her eyes. Because if they did, surely they would get out of her way in an instant. Asuka went straight to the last row, where Ayanami often stays. Funny, wonder girl didn't seem to be there. But her notebook and school things where there. Curiosity crept into Asuka's system. Where could Rei be? And what could be in this notebook. Could there be something about me written in these pages, the German girl thought. She looked around, her head flipping her hair side to side as she did so. Nobody seems to mind, just as always. They're always way too busy with their own lives to bother with mine, Asuka thought. She then slowly sat at Rei's table and began looking at the pages of the first child's notebook.

She could see scribbles, often-unintelligible drawls on the paper, without meaning, without purpose. Or are they what they are? Asuka thought hard, these lines might have had some purpose at one point or another. They may seem insignificant as you see them but.. they could have meant otherwise. They could be Rei's thoughts, frustrations, happiness, gloom. Every one of her emotion might have been released through these lines, or thoughts. What the heck, Asuka thought to herself they're just senseless doodles. She didn't have to make up reasons for Rei's simple actions. She flipped another page. There were names written there. Names of people she'd come to know and care about as well. Misato, Dr. Akagi, Shinji, Hikari, Kensuke, Touji, of course the commander's name was there too. Her name didn't seem to be in the lot.

Asuka felt her temper rising. What the hell? The German thought. Why isn't my name in here? If what Rei said was true then, I should also have my name here somewhere. She banged her hand over Rei's desk in anger. Asuka actually did it way hard that all of her classmates noticed. Each one of them having that puzzled look on their face, Asuka near Rei's table? Touching the girl's things, almost unimaginable. But there Asuka stood, with the hurt look on her face. Hikari, with a look of concern in her eyes, started to walk towards Asuka. However before anyone could even make a move or think of reasons why Asuka was where she was, the second child glared at all of them with a murderous intent. Then she shouted at them "WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?" Even the class rep got scared out of her wits that she stopped dead at her tracks, thinking whether it would be a good idea to go near her. Shinji and the other guys, just shrugged their shoulders and went on with what they were talking about, it's the same old Asuka anyway, as if anything was different.

In fear of what may happen, all the other students just proceeded with what they had been doing, as if the incident never had taken place. Worried, Hikari looked at Asuka, but the other girl didn't seem to notice as if she was in a trance. There she was, Asuka Langley Soryu, looking every bit like the shell of her former self, the one that had been catatonic, almost lifeless, for two weeks due to an angel attack.

Asuka felt a lump in her throat threatening to overwhelm her. She suppressed it, grabbed Rei's notebook and ran out of the classroom. She ran as far as her legs could bring her. She can't let her classmates see her weakness, her tears that were now running across her cheeks. The second child found herself at the rooftop. She clenched her fist and hit the concrete walls repeatedly. It wasn't because Rei missed her name in the list it was beyond that. Asuka was feeling desperate, confused, and lonely. She couldn't understand why she was feeling like this. "Mom, why am I acting like this, this ain't me. I've never felt dependent on anyone all my life. And all of a sudden I'm looking up to her for approval, for care, for everything. What should I do?" Asuka slumped down at the pavement, crying. She gathered her legs and hugged her knees to her chests, letting all emotions go.

* * *

Back at the classroom of 2nd yr section 1, class had started. The old teacher noticed Asuka's absence, since it had never been this quiet in his class where Asuka and Shinji sat near each other. But he just went on with his boring old lectures about the second impact and Japanese History in general, as if everything was just as before. Nevertheless the teacher kind of liked it.

Hikari, usually attentive and conscious when the teacher's around couldn't even sit still. She kept looking at the classroom door. Hikari was hoping Asuka would just walk in and act as if nothing happened. She kept running her fingers through her brown hair, fidgeting and worried. The class rep turned to look idly at the moving picture outside the window to keep her from thinking about the redhead. She'd seen Asuka furious, sad, weird and happy, but she'd never seen that look of desperation and need in the second child ever before. There must be a problem she thought but what? Her mind was going around in whirls of thought, each one contradicting the other. If not they were just to fantastic for Hikari to believe. Then she suddenly remembered, Asuka was standing beside the table where Rei often sat, clutching a notebook and shaking with anger. In the first place why had the second child been so angry, enough for her to almost wreck Ayanami's table? Yes, Asuka disliked Rei, but not in a sense that she would go on a violent display of emotions. Does it have something to do with Wonder Girl's notebook? The more Hikari thought about it the more she was getting confused and she was so busy with thinking that she didn't even notice it was already lunch.

Still gaping and lost in thought, Hikari was still sitting at her desk; not knowing fifteen minutes had passed. Shinji, Kensuke, and Touji found this weird. Was there something wrong; was Hikari so upset she didn't feel like having lunch? Touji, whom she always made lunch for was obviously getting irritable with hunger.

"I can't take this any longer!" Touji said to the two boys.

"Hey, bro calm down." Shinji told him. "Let's just tag her along to lunch right now. Maybe that would snap her out of it."

And so the three boys slowly walked to her direction. To their surprise, Ayanami Rei got to Hikari first; they didn't even notice her walk past them. It was as if she had just popped out of nowhere. There was something odd about Rei, Shinji thought. Usually she'd just head out to some recluse place at break time but why was she here, talking to Hikari?

"Hey guys let's just watch them for a while." The younger Ikari said, stretching his arms out to stop Touji and Kensuke.

Grumbling, Touji complained. "But I'm so hungry already."

"Shhhh!" Kensuke warned them. "Look, Rei seems to be very grave. She must have something very important to tell Hikari. Come on Touji maybe lunch can wait a little bit longer."

Though very upset, Touji had been overcome by curiosity. "Alright fine. Let's look on a while."

Nearer to Hikari and Rei –

"Hikari, have you seen pilot Soryu? Did she come to class? Her things are here. Is she sick, that she had to go home early, or the Commander had sent for her for synch ratio tests?" Rei asked Hikari in a hurried, and very worried manner. Her thoughts spewing out of her mouth as soon as it had registered in her brain.

Hikari looked at the first child, amazed and puzzled. Is this really Rei talking to me? And about Asuka among all people, the class rep thought. And as Hikari observed, Ayanami's crimson eyes seemed to be swirling. Troubled? Hikari couldn't point a finger to what exactly it was. It seemed that Rei had been totally dependent on something and suddenly lost it. It's as if she seemed directionless. For once Hikari didn't feel indifference or snobbishness; Rei was just being human, just like her and everyone else. Though the first child did look and act different from everyone, she did have feelings. Maybe she just didn't want others to see. Then it dawned on her, the pain she saw in Ayanami's eyes were the same as the grief that she had seen in Asuka's hours before.

"Uhm, Rei, yes Asuka was here earlier, but she left. If I'm not mistaken she got one of your notebooks." Hikari told the blue haired girl, with all honesty. "And, to tell you, she was kind of distraught with whatever she had read. Ayanami, is there anything discriminating or derogatory written against her in your notebook?"

"My notebook...?" Rei asked herself, puzzled.

* * *

At the canteen, people were all trying to buy their lunch. It was noisy and pretty hot with all the other students going about, talking and playing during their break. At the far corner of the room, five children huddled in deep conversation, with an exception of course a very hungry boy who wears gym wear all the time.

"You mean you care for Asuka a lot?" Hikari asked.

"You don't seem like it Rei, it's a surprise really." The young Ikari stated.

"Hmmmm, maybe it had something to do with your father Shinji" Kensuke exclaimed, grinning at his joke.

To this all the other children glared at him even the often-cool Ayanami.

"Cool it, I was just kidding NERVous chuckle sorry." The four-eyed military geek apologized.

"OK, let me get this straight, you like Asuka, but you haven't told exactly how it is with her?" Hikari probed Ayanami to answer.

"Yes. I'm just too terrified to do so." Rei spoke of her dilemma.

Terrified must be an understatement. Petrified to inaction may be more apt for the first child's situation. She's never used to saying anything, most of all her feelings. It can be seen everyday, how she goes through her routines, in school, at the base, she just hardly talks. Rei just can't see the sense in burdening other people with ones own problem. But everyone, even Asuka who constantly bugs her finds this odd, hence throwing tantrums at Rei just to get something, but it's still zilch.

However when Asuka got confined to the hospital, Rei went. And there she seemed to have courage to say everything and anything. Talking to a sleeping/unconscious person? Weird? Definitely, but this made her more aware of everything Asuka and her had in common. When Asuka was forcing her to react, she couldn't. Now Rei wants her to wake up, and somehow snap at her, the German won't. Rei realized she did want attention, and care, but doesn't know how to get around it. Nobody taught her how. Nobody tried to make it important for her; it's no big deal. Nobody did, except for Asuka Langley Soryu. And now the second child's awake, she couldn't tell her anything because she's scared. Scared, of what Asuka might think and say. The image of a highly irritable girl with red hair shouting at her, laughing at her were the ones that kept popping in her head.

Rei was in tears as she had gone through the details with, Hikari and Shinji; the only ones who seemed interested on an emotional level that is. Rei just held on to Hikari's hand, squeezing it tight.

"Hey, hey, hey. Go easy on my hand, my fingers are turning blue already" Hikari said.

"Gomen, I didn't mean to..." Rei tried to apologized then looked at the class rep.

What she saw was a very warm smile. "Don't worry, blue fingers might look good on me. Cheer up, Ayanami, I'll help you find Asuka"

"I'll help too, you deserve someone better than Dad you know." Shinji volunteered.

Out of absent-mindedness, Kensuke blurted out his perverted thoughts, "Wow, two pretty girls making out what a sight."

Without warning three fists landed on Kensuke's head making his crown look like a mountain range.

"Stop it, ok, ok, I won't say anything like that anymore. I'd help too." Pleaded Kensuke.

"Help who?" Touji asked lifting his head from the now empty plate.

"Rei, you knucklehead." Everyone said in unison.

BLAG...


End file.
